Why Do I Shut Down? It is the Child in Me!

Why do I shut down? It is the child in me!

After one has had enough experience with drama, blames, unnecessary problems, and arguments in his life, for many years, he would only want peace and to avoid getting into debates. 

After many years of personal experience, I realize life is too short to deal with unnecessary problems or be sad and angry about things that could have been avoided. It is frustrating to spend too much time and effort arguing trying to prove "I am good." If someone does not recognize you are good on his or her own, don't waste your breath. 

Life in my eyes should be much more straightforward. I always try to mean good. I never try to hurt someone or take what is not mine. I have always been kind to strangers. I help and helped anyone in need without expecting anything back or asking for something back while no one helped me in times of need. I was a very very good smart boy, but I was always ridiculed, punished and made feel stupid and guilty for no good enough reasons or for reasons that I do not really understand. I had my feelings and needs to be discounted all the time. I did not argue, and I followed all the rules, God's rules, social rules, and even father's rules, and it led me to nowhere when it came to my feelings or needs. I do not want this to happen to me again, and I do not have the energy to argue anymore especially to prove I meant good. 

I think one of the main reasons for divorce, besides being lied to, is the constant oppositional arguments and the fact of only trying to win the arguments. I think communication and understanding each other is more important than who is right and who is wrong. One time, one of my Exes argued and argued and argued with me about something I was not comfortable with, and I didn't feel good about until I was tired and stopped to explain my feelings. (So my x won). I asked her "do you think you won the argument?" she said "yes." I said, "You may think you won but you have lost big time." This was because she never tried to understand my feeling or to make me comfortable. She only wanted to defeat me, force me into what I don't like. So, we both lost! 

I think using the silence treatment and putting the partners on guard, as well as discounting their intentions is a form of emotional abuse. I think keeping a partner feeling guilty and guessing without clear communication is an unhealthy form of emotional abuse and control. We have learned these harmful but beneficial ways to control our partners from our parents and the society. I always try to unlearn this, but it takes hard effort to unlearn it. 

I think a good relationship is built on communication and understanding and has no winners or losers, no right, and wrong. I think it is always better to try to make the other loved one feel better. I think if the two sides do this all the time, life will be beautiful. That is what I am trying to do, and now I have too. Of course, this should be mutual from both sides. One side should never use this method to take advantage of or control the other.

Fetish and Toys

Fetishism is a fixation on a non-sexual object or acts to achieve sexual stimulation or satisfaction. It can be related to several factors. Like Obsessive-compulsiveness, Fetishism may be mainly psychological and related to early experiences of sexual desires. For example, in obsessive-compulsive disorder, a person may wash his hands 100s of times to achieve satisfaction about clean hands or turn the light switch on and off a certain number of times to feel safe. Foot fetish, for example, could be an ongoing fixation on feet after seeing feet while discovering new sexual desires. A Fascination with women underwear can develop as they are firmly in contact with women genitalia. Early sexual experiences may actively shape the sexual behavior and preference of a person for the rest of his or her life.

Men’s fascination with breasts can be a physiological phenomenon as large breasts mean well-fed babies and a higher chance of survival of the offspring. However, excessive fascination with breasts could be related to prolonged attachment to breasts and breastfeeding as a toddler hence the feeling of security. Or it could be because of a lack of enough breastfeeding and a continuous need for the safety of the mother’s (female) breasts.

BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S). Submissive enjoys the thrill of powerlessness, being trained, lectured, and/or controlled movement. There are many types of toys used for spanking. Each toy is made of a different material such as leather, latex, rode, metal, and etc. Each different material and texture gave a different feel and the sound to whipping.

Other new information that I have learned is the person who has the most power in a BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism) relationship is the submissive. I thought the dominant orders the submissive whatever he or she likes and the submissive has to do it even if he or she doesn't want to or doesn’t like it. However, on the contrary, the dominant only orders what the submissive agreed upon. There might be a punished if the submissive doesn't obey. The punishment could be in the form of agreed-upon spanking using hand or other things. There is usually a code word to stop when the submissive can’t take it. On the other side, in playing the role of a slave, the slave would do what the master orders even if it is unliked. There could be some form of humiliation as well.

There is a variety of different toys for different pleasures. The most common known toys are the vibrators. However, to the contrary, the preferred vibrator was the egg, not the dildo, because the egg can be used to stimulate the clitoris, the vagina, or be put in the panties and operated with the remote control. There are also toys to be inserted in the anus to enhance the feeling of orgasm in women or massage the prostate and enhance the sense of ejaculation in men. Some of the most popular are lubricants. There are many kinds of lubricants, but the safest is the water-based ones. Some oils cause stimulation by releasing a tingling sensation, but they are not highly recommended for fear of possible skin irritation or allergic reactions.

Sexuality and Aging

Sexuality is usually intense in the young and in the new relationships. In a new relationship, a young couple is full of curiosity and desire for each other. They look for opportunities to have sex anytime and anywhere. They are always motivated and in the mood for sex. It never matters if one will wake up early to work or school, or how late they went to bed the night before. It never matters if they have been exhausted after a long day of travel, work, or after hiking 20 miles. They would have a quickie or a long lasted sex at any time anywhere in the house.

By the time a relationship gets olde the couple also ages. Even though love may become stronger between the two, sex becomes less spontaneous, less intense, and more of a routine and a chore. The busy life schedule and many responsibilities get in the way of the spontaneity and the frequency of sex in the older couples. With age, testosterone levels drop hence libido and the need for sex decrease too. It takes longer and gets harder for older couples to get aroused, and sex might become a chore.

The jokes are funny because they summarize the facts about sex in the elder. Often the two would cover up the lack of desire or mood with excuses like “I am tired and exhausted,” or “I am so stressed out about work or a problem,” “the kids are outside,” or the most famous excuse “I have a headache.” Sex becomes less and less essential or frequent in the elderly because of boredom, fatigue, lack of libido, physical weakness, impotence, or giving priority to other life duties.

Biology of the Female Attraction to Male

It has been explained from a biological point of view how females and males are attracted to particular features of each other.

For example, females are attracted to males with broad shoulders because it indicates strength and the ability to protect the woman and her offspring. Women are attracted to the muscular body of a man because it means the ability to work hard to provide for his female and secure health of her offspring. Women are attracted to males with facial features like square Jaw and thick facial hair as well as body hair because it indicated a higher level of testosterone and virility.
Females are also attracted to men with muscular round buttocks because it indicates strong thrust and securing fertilization. It is also known that women have a hidden sense of smell which recognizes and attracts them to males of distant genetic relation more than genetically related males which guarantees a better gene pool for the offspring. Mainly a woman is physically attracted to men features which ensure the security, safety, and survival of her and her family as well as better genetic characters for her children.
In our modern society, survival and safety do not depend on bodily strength anymore. However, now survival depends on status and wealth. Status and wealth are achieved by success and or intelligence. The biology of love and attraction has changed with time and women are maybe more attracted to smart, successful men than strong or good-looking men.
When my wife was asked "Why are you attracted to him" She said;

"When I met my husband I found him very attractive. He has broad shoulders, V-shaped body, strong muscular arms, and a smooth firm butt. I was attracted by his facial features especially his nose. Even though he did not like his nose, it looked masculine to me. I am especially attracted to the smell of his skin, I can just stick my nose in his neck all day. His kindness and understanding are what I am most attracted to. I feel he knows me very well and he protects my feelings. I am attracted to his knowledge, personality, and intelligence, and I enjoy listening to him talk. I am also attracted to his professional success in life. He might not look like a movie star, but I am attracted to him because he makes me feel safe, accepted, and loved."
I assumed the biology of love may be purely physical, but the roles of love and attraction in the human animal have changed by the evolution as what provides safety in modern life have changed. 

Factors contributing to sexual orientation.

Factors contributing to sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation is the person’s attraction to a particular gender (male or female or both). There are heterosexual, heteroflexible, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and many other sexual orientations. Sexual orientation is formed based on several factors in a person's life.

● Anatomy, biology, and hormones

Anatomically, boys and girls are almost the same till age 5 or 6. However, many homosexuals claim they knew their sexual orientation at a very young age. So far, there is no proven hormonal or anatomical differences between heterosexual and homosexual males, or heterosexual and lesbian females. Science has not established that anatomy and hormones have a role in sexual orientation yet. Extreme anatomical and hormonal cases like hermaphrodite is a different story. A hermaphrodite is usually a female phenotype with the 2 male and female sex organs. This is not a case of sexual orientation, homosexuality or bisexuality, this is a case of actual hermaphroditic.


● Identity, feelings, and emotions

Sexual identity starts with the parents and society identifying a child as a boy or girl from birth. A child is actually taught to recognize himself or herself as a boy or girl by his parent and the society. What a child learns and believes at a very young age is usually imprinted in his or her belief system. It is like learning to speak a language marked on the hard drive of his or her brain computer. This is why in many cases there is a struggle when a person feels different than what society have decided for him or her at a very young age. Sexual identity is different from a sexual orientation in non-heterosexual individuals. A person can be a gender but feel and have the emotions of the same gender, the other gender, both genders, or neither.

● Appearance

It is noticeable that some gay men look and act feminine and some lesbians look and act masculine. However, this can be a learned behavior since the same person may change his or her behavior and voice too. In some cases, boys with feminine looking features or girls with masculinity may be stereotyped as gay or homosexual. However, this may change entirely with puberty. So, a person’s appearance may not be a factor in deciding a person’s sexual orientation.

● Experience and environment
Some claim when a person experiments with homosexuality in early life, he or she may turn homosexual. There has not been any proves or basis for this proposal. Also, this proposal doesn’t explain homosexuality in animals or primates. 10% of goats are homosexual even some are monogamous. Almost all bonobo monkeys are bisexual. In some countries, like Afghanistan, men practice pedophilia by choosing a boy from a young age and use him until he is a teenager. If such a boy turns out to be a receiving homosexual, it could be just a learned behavior since he was forced into it from a very young age. It can be just a way to survive too. Forced homosexuality in such a society is similar to compulsory heterosexuality in others.






Compulsory heterosexuality and how society may influence the expression of sexuality


Compulsory heterosexuality is considered a normal sexual relation in many societies. The Relationship between a man and a woman is the only relationship that is acceptable in numerous cultures. Heterosexuality is usually a social obligation for everyone to have sexual activity only with the opposite sex to have children. Compulsory heterosexuality forces individuals to suppress their sexual desires and orientation to fit into the society. This undoubtedly influences the expression of sexual preference. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, queers and or questioning (LGBTQ) are forced into marriages with their opposite gender to have children disregarding their sexual desires or preference.




Factors affected her sexual orientation and attraction.
She Stated:
"I believe my experience and environment have significantly affected my sexual expression. My father and mother have been divorced before I was born. I grow up in a house full of only women.  I lived with my mother, my aunts who were separated from their husbands too, and female cousins. I had no male role model to support my childhood or give me a male parental love. I missed on the feeling of protection, security, or support provided by a father."


"My mother and aunts were not educated and never gave me any sexual teaching. They haven't even taught me about expecting my first monthly menstrual period which was a shocking, and terrifying experience. I also spent my puberty in a Catholic all-girls school, and sex talk or education was forbidden by society, as well as the family. I grew up sheltered by women. I was told what to do all the time, and I followed. I never had experience on my own. I was and still am naive."


"At a young age, I found myself to be attracted to beautiful girls not in a sexual way, but in a romantic way. I used to collect beautiful model pictures and keep them in a notebook. I felt nervous, and my heart was beating fast the first time I saw a naked girl in the school showers when I was a teenager. I was excited about her body and breasts, but not her genitals.


In high school, I had an innocent friendship with a boy. I went to his home to do homework once, and right away he spread a rumor that we had sex. I heard the boys and girls whisper nasty things about me. I was the most popular and highest grades but, all my friends abandoned me, and I spent the rest of high school alone. Some of my classmates whom I thought are my friends stole my homework more than once, and I had to redo it 3 times. My friends wrote unsigned nasty letters and left it on my desk. I didn’t trust friends anymore.


"At 16, I fell for the first older guy who told me he liked me. From 16 to 21, I was in a relationship with a person who hurt me, used me, cheated on me, controlled me, terrified me, and threatened to spray acid on my face and kill me if I leave him. I thought this was normal. At 21, my family tricked me into coming to America for fear of my X boyfriend might hurt me more." 
"in America, I had another relationship with a guy who lied to me, used me, cheated on me and I found out that he had a fiance. Again, I thought it was normal. I made new friends who were girls, and they betrayed me like my high school friends. We went to a club to dance together, but at midnight, they all hooked up with boys and abandoned me. They left me alone at midnight without a ride home. Other friends borrowed my money and never gave it back. I realized I don't make new friends because I learned the hard way not to trust friends."


"Because all of the above, I am not sexually attracted to boys my age because I find them to be childish, immature and not to be trusted. I am not attracted to pretty girls my age because I find them to be selfish, not sincere, and want to have what is mine. I find myself attracted to an older mature, stable man who will protect, support, and love me like the father I never had. I still feel more comfortable to follow than to make decisions. So, I find myself to be safer with a strong man who will make decisions for me or who is even controlling but honest, loving, and a caring father figure. When it comes to girls, I like cute petite girls who would submit to me and whom I can protect and control a little. I do not like girls who are stronger than me because I am afraid they may betray me like before. I like pretty girls bodies but not genitals."!

Talk to Your Child about Sex

If I have a child about to have sex, I would tell him/her:
Okay, my son/daughter, I am pleased that you are grown up to become a man/woman who is ready to have sex. Sex is a normal physiological activity of life. People have a need for sex like eating and sleeping. Humans, animals, and plants have a need for sex because it is the only way for a species to multiply and survive. We feel a physiological natural strong desire for sex because it is the only way for humans to have children and survive as a species.

Human ancestors had a different simple, but tough life same as the Animal Kingdom. Once a boy became a man or strong enough to protect his family, he would pursue a girl he likes and who is old enough to bear children. If she loves him back, they find a cave to call home, have sex, start a family and have children. In some animals, the strongest and fittest male usually have all the females to himself, and the weaker males get nothing. This way ensures the strongest will pass his genes and the new offspring will be fit enough to survive.

In recent past human societies, once a boy became a man, had a job, and secured income, he would ask a girl he liked or ask her father to marry her to start a family and have children. All this usually happened around age 18 or even less.

Now life is different and complex, it is easier on many scales, but it comes with many requirements. To secure an income and have a family it usually takes schooling, college degree, and a profession in most cases. This makes men and women ready for marriage at a considerably very late age compared to their sexual maturity.

Now we face a problem. There is a natural physiological need for sex in spite of the inability to become independent financially and socially to secure a family. What can we do about this? How to fulfill a natural need until we are ready for a family? This usually can be fulfilled by practicing safe sex.

Safe sex is a responsible, clean way to have sex without having unexpected consequences like having a child or bad repercussions like contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STD). After you chose a partner who loves you back, you can have safe sex.

There are several contraception methods like the hormone pills, for example. You can control the timing of pregnancy and be having children until you have a stable life ready for raising bodily and emotionally healthy children.

The best way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases is actually to avoid having unprotected sex with multiple unknown sex partners. Also, it is essential to make a good choice of your girlfriend/boyfriend and use a barrier like a condom until it is sure that your girlfriend/boyfriend is healthy if she/he had other sex partners before you.
*** Now, I will bring some videos, documentary, and book about how to have safe sex. Probably bring my child some contraceptive pill (for a woman) and a condom to teach his/her how to use it. ***



Sex is like food. It is a physiological need to survive, and it can be enjoyed very much too. However, when eating is done wrong it leads to obesity, diseases, even unpleasant things like food poisoning also. Sex is not a game or a competition, you should never be rushed or forced into it, and you should never rush or coerce someone into sex. Sex is a love connection and emotion that gives pleasure. This is why it is essential to be very comfortable and feel safe with the person you have sex with.

Contraseption and Gender Equality

Contraception and Gender Equality

According to “Gender inequality and the ‘East-West’ divide in contraception: An analysis at the individual, the couple, and the country level,” the study hypothesizes the higher gender inequality in a society is associated with higher incidence of NO use of modern reversible contraception and the higher use of permanent methods like female sterilization. Socioeconomic status is strongly related to women education, employment, and gender equality.

The study concludes countries with higher gender equality measured by women employment and higher socioeconomic levels have higher use of female reversible contraception methods.

The study compares the use of female reversible contraception methods to, other means or no contraception in 17 European countries; Austria, France, Germany, Norway, Albania, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Estonia, Georgia, Lithuania, Poland, Romania, Russia, and Ukraine. The study includes East and West Europe countries to compare the division and gender equality in the 2 societies. Some countries do not fulfill inclusion criteria and are excluded due to the lack of data, geographic location and difficulty to differentiate the requirements of the study

The study uses compared variables such as women’s education, relevant education, occupation and relative occupation. Also, the study uses methods including; No Contraception, female reversible methods like contraceptive pills, IUD, female barriers, and spermicides. Female rhythm method, male reversible methods like coitus interruptus and male barriers (condom), permanent sterilization like female tubal ligation or male vasectomy.

This study results and discussion concludes higher socioeconomic status, as well as higher gender equality, increases the use of modern reversible female contraceptive methods like contraceptive pills, IUD, or female barrier. Also, higher socioeconomic status and gender equality are associated with higher male sterilization methods compared to its different societies. This conclusion can be due to higher levels of education, understanding, and communication between the partners. Also, modern reversible methods are more available to women in such societies. 

On the other hand, lower socioeconomic status, lower gender equality, lower occupation and education in females are inversely related to the use of female modern reversible contraceptive methods and are associated with higher rate of female sterilization compared to male reversible methods and male sterilization. This conclusion can be due to the lack of sufficient knowledge about the methods, lack of education, lack of the importance of women’s role in society which makes modern methods or how to use them unavailable, so women are burdened with permanent solutions like sterilization.


References
Dereuddre, R., Van de Velde, S., Bracke, P. (2016). Gender inequality and the ‘East-West’ divide in contraception: An analysis at the individual, the couple, and the country level. ScienceDirect, Social Science & Medicine 161 (2016) 1-12. Retrieved from https://www-sciencedirect-com.ezproxy.csusm.edu/science/article/pii/S027795361630258

Sexuality and TV

Sex sells! Most commercials on TV and in magazines use sex and sexuality to sell their products even when these products have nothing to do with sex. 
Some of the most shocking commercials are Carl's Junior famously having very sexy slim almost naked big breasted girls moving and talking very seductively, opening their mouths very widely to bite on the burger as if they are having oral sex with the burger. Some commercials use sexual phrases like “it will BLOW your mind” next to the model open mouth indirectly referring to a blow job. Moreover, the burger juice and dressing drip and smears all over the model’s face and sometimes body. 

The commercials added a strong sexual desire to the burger as if the strong fat desire is not enough. This sexuality targets and attracts all males of all ages. It also targets female trying to convince them they will look that sexy when they eat the burger despite the facts they will actually get fat and less attractive. The commercials defy any logic. It is impossible for such slim models to be in love with eating those fat burgers because if they were, they would have never been that thin or hot anymore. 

Most beer commercials depict gorgeous sexy girls in bikinis on the beach smiling seductively and being attracted to the guy who is drinking or offering them the beer. This implies drinking beer will get guys surrounded by beautiful girls and will make girls drawn to them. The irony is drinking beer on the beach is illegal in most states especially in California, and it can get you arrested. Also, in reality drinking beer and getting buzzed does not make beautiful girls like guys more but it just makes guys perceive girls as more attractive.


TV has always censored scenes and talks related to sex in the past. Not long time ago even the words, sex, bitch, ass, boobs could have never been heard on TV networks like ABC or NBC. By the early nineties, the TV became more open to expression of sex even homosexuality may be on shows like Seinfeld, Friends, and Will and Grace. Recently I was shocked to see men kissing and in an apparent homosexual act on the episodes of “How to Get Away with Murder” on ABC. The scene did not include frontal nudity or genital exposure, but it was a clear admission to homosexuality as a regular part of some peoples’ lives. 

“Masters of Sex” on Showtime is the true story of Johnson and Dr. Masters research in the 1950s. Considering it is a cable channel it almost had pornographic scenes but in a very acceptable manner for the sake of medicine, science, and knowledge. The episodes also discuss sex, sexuality, and homosexuality in a very open and scientific way. It was very educational for 2013.

TV has used sex scenes very frequently but not yet not as a regular part of life. The way it is portrayed is still unnatural and for obvious seduction. As far as I know from friends and family who live abroad, in Europe and Australia, sex and nudity are on regular TV. Nudity does not have that of a taboo impact on people like in the U.S. In Europe women are topless on every beach and on TV. In the U.S. it was a disaster talked about for years when Janet Jackson showed one breast with a covered nipple possibly by accident. The number of breasts equals the number of people! Yet, the American society is obsessed with breasts in an unhealthy way. Even people continuously debate whether to show or not to show breasts during breastfeeding.

Appropriate sex education is crucial in the upbringing of the future generations. In the past, information and knowledge about sexual facts were not available. Religion approach to sex is negative. This leads to generations believing in myths, suffering from guilt, and missing out on the enjoyment of sex. Nowadays, society is suffering from a different problem related to the availability of sex education as well. 

Sex comprehensive education is declining in the American school system, and the internet is more and more available as the source of information about sex. This is good and bad in many ways. It is good because knowledge became available to everyone and none has to wonder about or believe in the myths about sex anymore. However, it is hazardous since the sources are usually porn sites and the information is not scientific. When searching for information about sex, often several pages of porn pop up first. 

Porn does not address sex from a scientific factual point of view but usually from a nonrealistic perverted or even pathological point of view to shock the viewers and entertain them. First experiences and first impressions about sex in a person’s life are very influential. When the very young or teenagers’ primary education about sex is porn, they might associate sexual needs, fulfillment, and desires with the extraordinarily unrealistic and sometimes diverted sexual fantasies. Like substantially sized penises, huge breasts, erection, and intercourse lasting for hours, or unrealistic expectations of sex in unusual circumstances, situations or by impossible people. Not to mention, the extreme crazy fetishes including feces, cockroaches, and other things that are considered abnormal for most people. Unless a person understands porn is not the norm but just a fantasy, a person might feel incompetent or inadequate regarding his or her sexuality, performance, size of genitalia or breasts, or longevity of the act. 

A person may act up towards others believing that porn fantasy could apply in reality. Also, several observations demonstrated porn can be addictive, and it alters the perception of sexual reality. On the other hand, there are numerous scientific sites with beneficial information about sex online as well. If the online sex education guarantees trusted sources, it would have been a priceless treasure for sex education.

References; Funny Commercials. [2017, August 12]. The Best 14 Carl’s Jr & Hardee's Burgers Too Hot For
TV Commercials [Video file]. Retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku2D_eAtTMg Skip Ad. [2017, December 5]. Most Interest Commercial (Direct TV, Carl's Jr. Doritos and
Much More) [Video file]. Retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mQhR9jPS40&list=PL0-r-m6dIOhtZ_LTNTVKg0gOwAQXyHG8K

Religion and Sex

Religion and sex

Religious beliefs have a tremendous but mainly negative impact on sex and sexuality for thousands of years. Egyptian and Greek methodologies are probably the only beliefs encouraged sex without guilt. Some other religions may have favored reproduction. However, they looked at sex as a form of degradation and considered celibacy a path to achieve a higher spiritual level and higher status of knowledge. Religions which reasoned sex impure or a sinful pleasure have caused individuals to suffer guilt and shame and subsequently loss of the enjoyment of sex for thousands of years. Definitely, women have enjoyed sex much less than men over the years because of their religious beliefs. Homosexuals had to hide their sexuality believing they are ill or committing a crime against their society and religion.

It seems many religions considered sex a form of transgression, except for, maybe the ancient Egyptian and the Greek mythologies. Sex was an essential part of life, open, and unattained with guilt in ancient Egypt. The ancient Egyptians believed life started on earth when the god Atum masturbated and swallowed his own semen, then spat it onto the land. The Egyptian gods had sex, and some were depicted with erected penises as a sign of fertility. They believed sex will continue in the afterlife. Tales of sex, adultery, homosexuality, incest, and masturbation were familiar. The ancient Egyptians had prescriptions for contraception, so women can enjoy sex as long as they want without having children. The Egyptians celebrated the feasts of Queen Hatshepsut by drinking beer and dancing all day, then engaging in sex while in a trance state. An Egyptian papyrus depicting different sex positions similar to the Kamasutra was discovered in the 19th century.

The ancient Greeks were very open-minded about sexuality and had a big appetite for all kinds of sex. Their gods were scandalous and sex deviants precisely like humans. Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, and Bisexuality used to be a norm. Alexander the Great was a bisexual. Artifacts of Phallic sex objects to please women and achieve orgasm are found and depicted in the ancient Greek icons. Masturbation was considered normal, but thought to be a waste of semen and just for the slaves or the low-status people who cannot have sex. The Romans had similar sexuality in spite of different views on homosexuality.


In ancient China, Taoism considered sex a form of joining energy and essence. They believed the joining of the Ying and the Yang is a path to health and longevity. Thunder was depicted as an act of sex between the heavens and the earth. In a way, sex was encouraged. However, Taoism looked at body fluids as a source of life and vitality; hence it has to be conserved. The act of sex was supposed to be performed by avoiding ejaculation. Some society allowed ejaculation in exceptional circumstances and others prohibited it altogether. Some cultures even believed women are the enemy because they consume semen and subsequently reduce men's vitality.

In Hinduism and Jainism, sex is considered one of the essential pillars of life, hence the Kamasutra depictions of different positions to perform sex. However, chastity was sought to achieve higher spirituality and knowledge. Buddhism considered craving a form of suffering and sex was a degradation. Monks and nuns pursuit the highest level of spiritual status by abstaining from sex.

Judaism looked at women as less, impure and untouchable during the menstrual period. It considered sex an impure act which requires purification by washing the body after intercourse. It strictly regulated sex and submitted severe fatal punishments for nontraditional forms of sex, sex outside marriage and infidelity.  Judaism considered Homosexuality an abomination and is punished by death according to the book of Leviticus. Lust is a major sin.

Christianity completely opposed the Greek and Roman sexuality. It almost demonized sex, and until recently it limited sex for the purpose of procreation. It even limited sex to only one position. The Catholic Church is still against contraception even the use of condoms in the AIDS infested areas of Africa. Virgin men and women have a particular higher rank in heaven next to god according to the book of Revelation and the teachings of Saint Paul. Looking at a woman to lust or enjoy her sexual appearance is considered spiritual fornication and it is punishable by eternal hell according to Matthew so is masturbation of course. Not to mention, homosexuality is an abomination according to Corinthians.


Islam allowed endless sex, but for men only according to the Quran, Hadith, and Sharia Law. Men are permitted sex with their wives as well as women who are captured in a war which is considered, in some opinions, an act of rape and slavery. Islam allows polygamy and commanded women to always submit to please their husband anytime sex is demanded. Rebelient women were also often kept in the “house of obedience” until they submit to their husbands. On the other hand, until today in Pakistan and Afghanistan, and other countries if a woman was found to be not a virgin on the night of her wedding she and her family will be shamed and humiliated forever. Also, there is a considerable possibility she will be killed or stoned to death after being raped by the good samaritans and the defenders of religion. According to Hadith and Sahih Bukhari, It is strongly recommended to circumcise girls by cutting off the clitoris to ensure women do not have a sex drive to not commit infidelity and guarantees a man can keep his harem in check. Some followers consider women impure. They have to wash and pray one more time if they touch a woman before or during prayer. Men especially who are killed in Jihad against the infidels will be rewarded by having endless sex for eternity with a multitude of paradise virgins (the Houris). According to the Bukhari, The Houris are beautiful eyed and bodied young hairless except the eyebrows and head virgins of paradise (Jenah) who remain virgins after sex. They do not urinate, defecate or menstruate, and they have libidinous vaginas to please the Muslim men in heaven, especially the martyrs of Jihad. The martyrs will also be served fruits and wine in the afterlife by good-looking boys.  Homosexuality in Islam is an abomination punished by execution or being thrown from the top of the highest building.

Many religions looked at women as less than men, demonized masturbation, demonized homosexual intercourse, and favored celibacy over sex. Many religions had and still have false guilt initiating mythical believes about forms of sex. When it comes to sex and sexuality, I think it has been proven sex is a natural human clean gift to enjoy and wasting it is a significant loss. Masturbation is normal. Homosexuality is just a form of sex. Women are as equal and vital to please as men. Nothing should initiate guilt about any thought or act related to sex.

If I choose a religion, I might prefer the ancient Egyptian or the Greek faiths for they had the most correct, natural, and guilt-free approach to sex. My second choice is to be a wealthy Muslim male in a Muslim society or a Muslim martyr in paradise! However, I would rather be a Nontheist than a believer in any religion because every religion has some form of non-factual mythical believes, restrictions, and sometimes they dehumanize sex and sexuality. I would rather be a believer in science because science frees the mind from the mythological superstitions which have had controlled human sexuality for thousands of years.

References:

https://culturacolectiva.com/history/sexuality-ancient-egypt/

http://www.thekeep.org/~kunoichi/kunoichi/themestream/sexuality.html#.WnXFDtWnFfg

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_ancient_Egypt

http://www.historyextra.com/period/ancient-greece/a-brief-history-of-sex-and-sexuality-in-ancient-greece/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoist_sexual_practices

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khajuraho_Group_of_Monuments

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism_and_sexuality

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_sexual_jurisprudence#Concubines:_Muslim_male's_sex_with_female_slaves




https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houri

New Facts About Human Sexuality

New Facts about Human Sexuality
There are several new conclusions about human sexuality.
Bisexuality is a stable pattern of attraction to both sexes. It is not a transitional phase from heterosexuality to lesbian identification. It is neither an experimental phase for heterosexuals. In 2008, Lisa M. Diamond presented these results of a 10-year long study in Utah University assessing 70 women identified as lesbian, bisexual, or sexually unlabeled.
Arousal precedes desire. A study by Ellen Laan of the University of Amsterdam in 2004 about the physical response to sexual images concluded that we have a physical response to sexual visuals before the mind engages with them.
Men look more into the eyes during sexual situations than women. An Emory University study concluded when watching sexually explicit images, men looked more into the eyes of the subjects than women did. Also, both men and women fastly passed through the genital photos. The two brains responded differently as well. Men had more wave activity in the Amygdala than women.


Unwealthy men are sexually attracted to fat white women. Rich men are attracted to thin dark women. The international body project, a survey of 7,434 people worldwide concluded men in lower socioeconomic societies are more attracted to fat and white women. While in higher socioeconomic societies thinner and darker women were considered more attractive. Probably, because being in more impoverished societies fat is regarded as a sign of wealth and being well fed.

Sex drive is influenced by culture, and women sex drive decrease when in a long relationship. A meta-analysis by the University of Wisconsin, Madison concluded the significant difference in sex drive between men and women is profoundly influenced by culture. Women sex drive decreases after being in long relationships but not because of monogamy.

In summary, recent studies showed that bisexuality is a pattern, not an experimental or a transitional phase. Arousal precedes desire. Men make more eye contact with the subject of arousal than women. Women have less desire after being in a relationship for a long time. Socioeconomic status affects the criteria of physical attraction.

Reference:
Gross, J. (2014). 5 studies that offer fascinating conclusions about human sexuality.

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